J9 takes a tumblr (;

It’s not just deleting a number. Unfollowing an account. Unfriending a profile… It’s removing the person from your life, accepting that they’re gone & there’s nothing left to follow up on.

I’m still holding back.
I want to give in, to give my all, to look past the past. But I can’t.
I’m still scared. I’m still stuck. I’m still not ready.

I overanalyze too much & this situation is tearing me apart.

Alright. Don’t believe me. Stay mad. Be upset. If you’re gonna leave again, then leave. Thats what you’re good at, right? But don’t you dare act like I didn’t try… I spilled my heart out to you last night, MY ENTIRE FUCKING HEART which I honestly should’ve kept hidden from you considering our past… Now you’ve seen it. Now you know what’s inside of it. Now you know how to control me again. You say you trusted me, but why won’t you believe me when I say that there’s nothing more that I want in this entire world at this moment than to be with you? I feel so disgusted, so repulsed with myself for what happened. I’ll admit, it’s my fault for not knowing my limit & putting myself in that position— but what happened to me was something I didn’t have control over. My mind was working, my body wasn’t. If it was, I’d be where you were, or at least around where you were… Are you happy now? I feel worthless. So fucking worthless after it all. And to think all I wanted in my time of desperation was for you to hold me and tell me that everything’s gonna be alright. Well now I know that won’t happen because everything has been ruined. Everything’s fucked up. You can go ahead and blame me, tell me that I screwed up, then leave. But I laid it all out for you last night for a reason… Last time, I let you leave without showing you how I truly felt, not letting you know how much I cared, or what you meant to me. This time, at least I can say you left knowing all there is to know… I’m glad I got to spend these past few weeks with you, getting a chance to be with you in ways that I never thought I could again.

Never will be.
But hopefully as time goes by, my feelings get buried again like they did before.
And maybe, this time, they’d stay buried. 

gylsnchz:

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epic-humor:

she put her boyfriends head down there

asked “can you hear the ocean?”

he said ” no but I can smell the fish”

you clever bastard

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(via laughcentre)

(via xariep)